Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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