Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
