i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
