I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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