yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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