Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's always time for handjobs
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
