I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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