Your face is a jimmy john
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
