I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
