Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
