2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
