well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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