I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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