Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Randomize
