I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
