He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
