you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
