i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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