At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
