Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
