i barfeds in our rink
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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