Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I licked your asshole in confidence.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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