i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
