this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Less talking, more tequila
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
