so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
