your room smells of hookers.
And success
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
