How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
