The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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