i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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