The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
