Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
