She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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