I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
