So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
