he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
