Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
