Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
