her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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