I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
