Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
