I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
