I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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