My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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