I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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