i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
