so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
