please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
