john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
