jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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