How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
