Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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