she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Your penis caused this!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
